A Little Indulgent ME Time Today!

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I am well. How are you?

Today is a good day. I am doing a bit of surfing of blogs in my time off today and have found a couple I really like.
One woman in Britain (I think) is doing the Dukan diet and I am following her blog. I just find it interesting, I am not changing from Atkins.. here is her blog:

http://glamedup.wordpress.com/page/2/

I actually just like her blog in general. It’s fun and lots of great pix.

I have also been checking out some French lifestyle blogs. I really enjoy reading these. They make me feel happy to be a woman. I love most of the attitudes of these. Many of them are beautiful and just great eye candy. I love French culture in general. I enjoy the idea that you should take more out of life. You know.. Joie de Vivre..

I am beginning to realize as the weight is coming off that I lost a lot of my mojo. I lost my love of life for a while. My Joy. I used to be very indulgent. Obviously the indulgence in food showed on my body, but I was indulgent in life in general and a lot of that was good, I found that much of life amazed and excited me. I am finding out that when I reigned myself in, a lot of my other loves sort of dulled as well. I have been sort of living a “staid” lifestyle and I have been working on getting out of that and these beautiful blogs help me do that.



http://frenchified.wordpress.com/

http://froufroufashionista.blogspot.com/

http://frenchcharming.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2009-12-19T05%3A30%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=17

http://frenchblue-frenchblue.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html

http://lacoquette.blogs.com/la_coquette/

This one is not necessarily a French lifestyle blog but she truly has great style and I am enjoying reading it:

http://www.elementsofstyleblog.com/

I just love spending a little time with a nice espresso or cup of good tea and perusing these sites.. it feels indulgent and that’s what we ALL need from time to time.

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I have been working on the bedroom again. I took a week off the painting because, well it was just driving me crazy! In my designing inspired stupor I chose many colors for the room (three colors for walls and a forth for the trim and ceiling.) I design jewelry for a living (check out my site sometime: Http://CaryMartinDesigns.com ) and just jumped right into the idea that I could “design” a bedroom just as easily.. this was CRAZY I tell you! I truly had no idea what I was doing… It HAS turned out to be lovely and truly just what I wanted and I (well myself and my husband Patrick, from here on out known as “That Genius I Married” ) am almost finished.

We got the ceiling fan and Cherry Wood blinds hung over the last couple of days and the painting is done except for a tiny bit of trim. (pix to come soon.) I still have to find a few things.. bedside tables and lamps and carpet runners, but it’s coming along and I am really looking forward to getting our bed out of the living room! It’s been a month.

I ran across a very cool pendant lamp while looking for bedside lighting:
I am in LOVE with these.. but they just won’t work in the bedroom (but one might for our entryway!):


(coolest thing ever ha?!)

http://www.artecnicainc.com/Products/Lighting#Lighting/Future_Flora


My very fav hanging light that I have had in a folder in my computer for a couple of years.. (won’t work for the bedroom but I WANT it somewhere – maybe my office but it’s LARGE!)



http://www.artecnicainc.com/Products#Lighting/Icarus_Light

And LAST BUT NOT IN THE VERY LEAST. I wanted to turn you all on to this great skin care site I found! It’s independently run (I love supporting budding Indy businesses, sort of like mine!). This site has excellent quality items (I am a serious skin care nut and am very particular about the ingredients in products.. but that’s an entire other blog!). They use top quality ingredients and have products that can run with the “big dogs” so to say.. The same pharm grade ingredients (like Renovage!), made in small batches.

I want LOTS of their products.. I think I am going to try Garden of wisdom I want a couple of their Hyaluronic Acid
Products. Maybe the Raspberry and the Honey Comb. These are just good simple moisture for your face.

I also want their Veggie Azule Face cream, Banana Healing Serum and Frakenincense Hydrosol. I can’t believe how great these products sound. I will let everyone know how great they are. They even have a facial scrub that uses the same crystals as professional dermabrasion you would pay over $200 for at a Dr. office.

http://www.gardenofwisdom.com/finishedproducts.html


Well I guess I had better get back to work.. how do you all find time to blog!?

Sanibel was a dream~

On my early morning shelling walk on Sanibel Island I ran across this amazing driftwood (I love driftwood).. it was buried very deep in the sand...

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Well, wow where to start!

Sanibel Island was a huge LC success and a wonderful, relaxing, sea air swirling good time. I walked and shelled and we ate great food. Patrick (also known as that genius I married) and I had some amazing food and drink. I think my very fav. meal was the chili butter shrimp we had at Doc Fords. This stuff was seriously food of the Gods, juicy, messy and spicy! I also enjoyed good fresh fish, raw oysters, ceviche and amazingly rich crab bisque. Came back, still in ketosis! (maintained).

I am working on my supplements. I was having issues with nausea and decided to just STOP all of it (taking so many damned pills) and start over again, one at a time. Several herbs I didn’t even remember why I was taking them.. Alfalfa for one.. what was I taking that for again?

Anyway I stopped everything except my Virgin Coconut Oil and Krill and Fish Oils.. which I never had issues with.. I did lower my CO as I do remember it used to cause nausea in too large an amount but I would always get nauseated when I took my morning supplements.

I started back on my 5HTP and my St. John’s Wort.. so far so good..
I am looking into a liquid multi called “Vibe”.. I am still researching it. I think it sounds like something worth trying, only I am concerned that it has 5 carbs. I am eating very low carb right now and wonder if I would maybe be ok with it anyway. IMO it may be a good trade for the carbs and on Atkins you start adding in 5 carbs a week as you climb the ladder. I think this may be a good trade for my 5 carbs.

http://www.rainbowminerals.net/vibe.htm

I would love to believe that if we all ate a “balanced” diet (who really actually does that?) we would not need supplementation, but I just don’t buy it anymore.. I really do believe our foods are much less nutrient dense than they were 100 years ago and here it is hard to find good local organic produce that is not twice as much in cost as the normal produce. I am already splurging on better quality meat.. I don’t think I am afford to constantly buy organic and even if we did the variety just isn’t there most of the time.


My appetite is pretty low right now and I am going with it. It always comes back. I am doing well. I am over my TOM and my water weight (I always gain 2-4 pounds) is slowly coming off.. still have a pound to go to be back to where I was.

Patrick is picking up salads from Wendy’s (the BLT salad, I love it with the Ancho Ranch Dressing) for dinner so I don’t have to cook.. I love that genius that I married!

Here are a few more pix from Sanibel:

Our little beach cottages at the Waterside Inn.. Old style FL charm. We really enjoyed them.


Our little Tiki hut. A great place to lounge and read...


Huge mound of shells early morning (it was low tide) on Sanibel. I brought home like 10 pounds! I am going to mosaic our mail box.. hell maybe the entire house!


Absolutely stunning found objects (fish bone drawbridge) castle we ran across. It was just amazing. It had a tiny shell path around it.

Heading to Sanibel Island Tomorrow...

I am excited about the trip to Sanibel! I know it’s going to be wonderful walking on the beach and that we can take Suki with us is a plus, he loves the beach!

I really wish I was at a place in my weight loss that would allow me to feel comfortable in my own skin.. but I am not there yet, actually not close at all.

For swimming I have a two piece black bathing suit, got the top and bottom seperately on line (the top actually is sold as bra sizes), it's a bra style with underwire and looks ok and fits well. The bottom is a "miracle suit" bottom, covers my arse well and actually holds my belly in well. I highly recommend these suits.

I actually love to swim, used to be an instructor and lifeguard, so a two piece allows much better movement IMO.. I wear a white gauze long top over the suit when I swim.. it dries quickly.. it's gathered at the top with a string tie so the "girls" at least look good, they say to accentuate the positive, right?. Clothes are a bitch in the summer. It’s so hard to find clothes that are comfortable and look good on this fat chick. I have one sundress I like but that’s it and it’s sleeveless so I wear a white cotton short sleeve button up shirt open, over it.

I HAVE just bought two new knee length cotton skirts.. one green and one white. I like skirts that come to the knee. I can’t wear shorts (well I just freaking won’t.. my thighs are the worst part of my body) but I think the skirts are a nice compromise.. I like that you can’t tell how large my thighs are in a skirt, there! I said it.. I really don't love my thighs, I know I should... self love and all but I am NOT the least bit happy with them..

The skirts are somewhat fitted so I don’t find them that comfortable but they are flattering as far as clothes can be on me.. I know… I am too hard on myself.. blah blah.. I DON’T like the way I look, I just don’t. Not yet.

Anyway I sort of have a “summer uniform”.. either knee length sundresses or skirts with spaghetti camis (I have found two places that sell plus size camis in a longer length.. I bought several colors from spiegel.. I can’t think of the other place right now if you really want to know, let me know and I will look it up)..

I like the camis over the skirts with a short sleeve shirt over the cami (they are small straps. I very rarely do find a longer shirt I like. I am pretty picky.. they have to be fairly long, have side slits, at least short sleeves and a v neck. I think over the last couple of years I have found two I like. One is from one of my very fav. places Http://Athleta.com

They sell plus size up to a 2x and I can wear their 2x (I am in a womens 16 sometimes 18 - Lane Bryant 14-16). I just got in this top that I actually love and kept (I order so much stuff that always gets returned.) I am pretty excited about the new top:




I also got this cotton green skirt from Athleta:


I really like this skirt.. it has a cotton lining (light) that is somewhat smaller and keeps my tummy nicely "in" if you know what I mean and the gathers are very flattering on.. it comes JUST to my knees which I love. (I am 5' 3.5")

Anyway I am glad to have something new and somewhat comfy but I will be so glad when I can wear whatever the hell I want and NOT have to put so damned much thought into it.

So I have put lots of planning into this trip so I know places we can eat (wrote about some of them below) I know from past experience that planning ahead makes it much more doable. I don't care what people say, staying on LC on vaca.. for a foodie like me is NOT that easy. I have to scope out websites ahead of time and find a list of places we have to choose from.. freaking found a place that has all these desserts.. hope I don't even SEE that place.. anyway I am rambling..

Found several places that are very LC friendly.. one of my very fav. is cheeburger, cheeburger. I am going to get a burger with all kinds of LC happy toppings! Love burgers this way. Going to get lots of shells (working on covering my mail box in a mosaic of them), walk as much as I can and try to actually decompress.. oh and maybe shop!

Have a beautiful weekend everyone, I know I will!

Hello!!!

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It’s been too long so I decided I best get my arse in here and post.

First of all HI TIFFANY! Love you gurl.. will be heading over to your blog right after my post!

Lets see… I have been doing much better. I have been very strict in my eating because of my IBD and really am just eating meat, eggs and cheese.. I have had a few veggies.. VERY well cooked.. so far so good.

I am afraid I am back to drinking diet cokes. I think I just gave up too much. I KNOW they are the devil but I am at least drinking the splenda ones.. will work on them again later.

Thank you to my friend Fawn from LCF for the Coconut Pudding recipe (basically just a can of coconut milk (make sure to get good organic co milk with NO SUGAR).. mine is the organic 365 brand from Whole Foods.. 12 carbs for the entire can.. mixed with 1 Cup of finely shredded (I used my food processor) organic sugar free coconut flakes.

Mix this together and let it sit in the fridge overnight.. I have a bottle of coconut Davinci so I am going to check to see if it needs a little sweetening when we eat it tonight..

Coconut is so good for us and especially good for those of us with bowel issues or candida. It’s also a great way to stoke your metabolism.. I actually can feel my body warm up when I use coconut oil. Anyway, had to share…

Patrick and I are headed to Sanibel Island for a little vaca this weekend.. and ya.. we are staying on program of course.. I have scoped out a few places to eat already.. a good place called Schnappers hots for hot dogs (love them with hot peppers and mustard and cheese! Who the hell needs a bun! I usually just chop them up and eat it sort of like a salad.

Also there is a Cheeburger, Cheeburger there.. can’t beat their huge burger (sans bun) with avo, grilled onion, bleu cheese, bacon.. omg.. I can go on.. they have many toppings that are LC friendly.

I also found a place for breakfast that is pet friendly.. It’s called the Key Lime Bistro. They have build your own omelets.. OMG.. can’t beat that.

And we are going to Timber’s for dinner.. a great fresh seafood/fish place. So I am prepared (it’s the key to success you know!) and so ready for our vaca.. long walks on the beach and I might even get on a bike.. if I can keep myself from singing “fat bottom girls”.. I sure miss Freddie.

Making a briscuit I got at a Kosher butcher tonight. The owner told me an interesting way to cook it.. wrap it twice in plastic then foil (add spices first of course) and then put it in a dutch oven, put the lid on it, put it in the oven on 250 and cook 30min per pound. Mine is like 7 pounds.. so that’s over 3 hours. Can’t wait to try it.. he said it makes them very juicy.. and it’s grass fed, hormone and antibiotic free.. perfection.

That’s all for now!

Good Morning and Happy Monday!

This week I am going to post a few pix from our trip to Kona last year. I am needing a vacation and looking at these helps me to at least REMEMBER that we once took a vacation!

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I love Mondays. It’s so nice to have such a clean start. I cooked a bunch of nice thick peppered bacon this morning. I am right now just wanting a bit of meat now and then, I am really not hungry at all. Last night I didn’t really even want dinner. Patrick handed me am Atkins bar last night around 8:30 and I ate it, not remembering that they really don’t agree with me (it’s been a long time since I ate one) and this morning I am paying for it. The artifical crap and the sugar alchohols are really BAD for IBD.

I made a huge batch of herbal iced tea (cherry berry flavor – Celestial seasonings I think).. I really like it and the blueberry one). I am staying away from even my Pellagrino for a few days.. no bubbles.

My energy is good. I am working on more painting in our bedroom. I can’t believe how slow it is going.

Patrick and I are planning a three day weekend to Sanibel hopefully in a couple of weeks. We found a little beach side motel (old Florida style) right on the beach that is pet friendly so I hope they have a room avail.

This weekend is ShrimpFest up at my sister’s. (Fernandina Beach). Patrick got Friday off. I REALLY am looking forward to getting away. I want to go on another long walk on the beach. ShrimpFest is fun..

All in all I am on an upswing. I am looking forward to the next two weeks and some time off!

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I also wanted to post about something I have been doing lately that is really helping, besides my CO and Fish oil and Krill oil.. I have been making my own "Sports Drinks"

This is what I do:

In a 1 Quart bottle or jar (I save large Poweraid Zero bottles) of water, mix in 1 pk 4C (you might want two packs if you like a strong flavor – these are splenda sweetened and can be found at Walmart by the Crystal Lite – they come in single serving packets) 1/8 teaspoon Morton salt substitute, 1/3 or so capsule coral calcium (I buy the ones that open so you can sprinkle the calcium in the drink), 1/8 teaspoon good quality sea salt (I use Celtic gray) and 1/8 teaspoon baking soda.

I drink 2 of these a day normally. I keep several in the fridge. My husband really likes them too. It sure beats drinking diet soda.

I used to have lots of issues with restless leg at night and muscle cramps occasionally. This REALLY has helped me.

Some meds can make you retain too much potassium so please talk to your Dr. if you suspect you are taking one.



Have a great week everyone!

I am so sick of freaking being fat…

OK.. this really does suck...
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Seriously. I really, REALLY am. I have this inkling I am truly not living my life. I feel like so much must be passing me by and NOW on top of being fat, I am sick? WTF!

I am trying to look at it as another way for me to be “guided” (yes I am very metaphysical). I wonder if I am so sad a person that it has taken me being really, horridly sick to truly kick me in the ass. What AM I suppposed to take from this?

I actually feel like I have really been doing my best, well MOST of the time. But in reality I have been “trying” to get this damn fat off for over 3 years. I am SICK AND FREAKING TIRED OF “pussy footing” around (for lack of a better term?). I feel like I am just watching my life sort of tick away.. sitting on the sidelines. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself right now. I need to get out and at least lay in the sun I think.

I might be a bit emotional because I am feeling like damn hell lately but what if I allowed myself to just never do it?. How in the hell am I going to feel a year from now if AGAIN I am in the same place. I keep thinking about that today.

I also have been wanting to just not eat.. even if I get hungry. Is it wrong to want to use a 5# weight loss that happened because I was sick to push me into losing more? It feels wrong.. like I am not taking care of myself but I WANT to get some more weight off.. I normally lose so slow. I know it's not healthy thinking though.

I am afraid I am going to go overboard and start to not eat, on purpose. I feel like my old disordered eating ways could come back to haunt me. I am afraid. I have these feelings in my mind like I should just “use this not wanting to eat” to push myself into losing a few more pounds. Whatever.

I have got to get a grip!

Summer is almost here and I wanted more than anything to be comfortable in at least a pair of shorts. I really did. Why am I feeling so depressed? It’s really not like me actually. I promise to have a better attitude tomorrow!

A bit down.. but not out.

This IBD flare has really got me down. I WANT to say I am totally better. This seems to be hanging on a long time, longer than it has in the past.

I do feel better and can notice a little improvement each day.. I’ve been In bed for over a week, really have not been able to do much. Feeling better the last couple of days. Just eating meat and egg right now. So far pain is about 50% gone. Had a good bit of pain this morning but it's passed. I am eating next to nothing really so I can't understand.

I've lots of good salmon in the freezer (just ended up buying it at WF). Also had some new fish called Corvina I have never had, last night. Wow it is GOOD. Patrick ate most of it for me. I really don't have an appetite at all.

Taking mega doses of Omegas (krill and fish oil) and a couple T of CO a day. Have a couple of other ideas of natural ways to control inflammation but want to try a few things at a time only.

I am adding a couple of veggies this week to see how I do (doing sort of mono meals). I have read veggies have to be cooked beyond recognition. Adding green beans first.

It's pretty boring.. but I guess I just don’t care. Food really does not sound like the end all be all to me right now anyway. Talking with my sister Stacy allot more lately about her life with Crohn’s. She has helped greatly. So have a few friends from LCF. I love you guys so much!

My nausea is totally gone. I've lost several pounds (of course not in a good way). I remember how skinny my sister got when she was going thru bad flares. She always used to say "It's tempting to just not eat".. now I know why.

Thank you Tiff for continuing to stay in touch.. it does my heart good to hear from you! and Fawn thanks for the ideas and support darling. You are an amazing woman with so much to teach.

Tonight is chicken breast with some avo. I love avo so I am really looking forward to it.

I have not had anything fizzy in almost two weeks.. tea and water only. I am dying for a diet soda. No really! I would kill something for one right now but I KNOW I can’t.. so I won’t.. damn it.

All in all I am encouraged.

Some Spring Painting...

Life is crazy this week. Well what makes this week any different, I sometimes feel my life is totally out of control anyway! I am painting our bedroom and it’s turned out to be a much bigger job than I thought! I am loving it though. I am doing a red wall an “old gold” treatment wall (metallic) and a couple of marigold walls and the ceiling is marigold.

The red is taking 3 coats.. apparently I should have used a tinted primer. Live and learn I guess! It's the red wall that started it all *smile*.. wanted a sexy bold bedroom...

The ceiling was HARD! It’s a popcorn ceiling and I did three coats and it still needs touching up here and there. I am in LOVE with the gold wall. I chose the wall that the sun hits in the AM.. it’s got a not so subtle gleam!

A few pix:


This is the red and part of the marigold wall and ceiling. The red is darker than it looks.. it's a brownish red.. deep and dark!


I had a very hard time deciding what color to do the doors and trim.. decided on the marigold. What do you think?

This is the gold wall on the left. With a marigold wall and ceiling. The gold wall turned out great.. four freaking coats though - If you are interested it is Valspar Brilliant Metals. When the sun hits it, it is glorious!


A close up of the gold wall, I think the marigold trim will be great.


and a closeup of the gold wall.. I couldn't get a good pix really.

Hope to get it finished this weekend. We have a window treatment coming.. wooden wide vertical blinds in cherry wood.. Got to get some new furniture too.. got our bed, this is a pix of the bed (from the showroom):

It's more cherry than the pix appears. It's going on the red wall *smile*.

I am still trying to decide on bed side tables.. I love these:


But I am still looking!

Well got to get back to work.

Oh.. doing well on LC..

It's Sunday.. and my mind is racing...

Today I have so much going thru my mind. My focus right now is taking care of my liver while also working back up to high fat (already back to low carb.)

It seems to be a contradiction to me or at least it used to. Now I know your liver can be helped with low carb – even with LOTS of fat in your diet.

I have slowly raised my fat over the last two days. So far so good. I want to do another liver/gall cleanse soon. I think the fact that it is Springtime urges me to do it. My body always wants to do it in the Spring. I feel sluggish, bloated and well… fat! There are times I don’t feel this way. LC is good for making me feel more lean even though I am still very much overweight. I feel more defined.. Hope that feeling comes back soon!

Tonight for dinner is Tiffany’s Pesto Salmon:

Pesto Salmon
You'll need:
 one piece of raw salmon per person
 a jar or tub of pesto
Broil or grill the salmon on one side only. If your fish has skin on one side, put this side up first. When done on the first side, turn the fish over, smear pesto all over the uncooked side, and continue grilling or broiling until done on this side. That's it!

Here is her site again!:
http://www.deliciously-thin.com/low-carb-seafood-recipes.html

I love this because I have some great wild caught salmon in from Whole Foods and also several batches of homemade Pesto in the freezer. This is such a wonderful simple meal. When you have excellent ingredients a simple meal is perfection. I think I am making my roasted balsamic asparagus for the side.

YUM!
Tiffany, thanks for the great idea! Love you girl!

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I am craving fruit in the mornings still (changed to fruit before noon when I started having liver pain – but now I am back to Atkins) Surprised I am craving but I know it will pass. I would get some more strawberries right now but they are in perfect season and I am NOT sure I could control the portions on them! I think maybe the craving is just thirst. I am SO thirsty again.

Just having a nice double espresso with 2 T half n half. I love our epsresso machine! It’s a bit of an obsession.


(That's a pix of me my DH took a couple of days ago.. no makeup yet but I didn't care because he just brought me a GREAT cup of coffee!)

I have over 10 Davinci flavors (which is kind of low for us!) .. I use them in cooking as well as coffee PLUS last year I bought us a snow cone machine and several fruit flavors of the Davinci. My fav is mixing coconut and pineapple and a splash of cream on the ice. YUM.

Well my mind sure is wondering this morning. I love Sundays.

This next week I am aiming for 2# lost. I am going to make sure I walk EVERY day and go for at least 40min. It’s perfect weather here right now so no damned excuses. My boy Suki loves a good long walk.


(Suki when he was a baby! I need some new pix.. he's over a year old now.)


Also I am going to get back on my milk thistle and lemon juice regimen. I use fresh lemon juice and a couple of drops of stevia in a huge glass of pellagrino (yes it’s expensive but I gave up my Diet Cokes and this is what made it possible!) each morning. I had ran out of my milk thistle (for my liver) for a couple of weeks.

Also running low on my CO.. (coconut oil). I was just reading a post by my friend Fawn on LCF (low carb friends):

(Fawn is a personal health coach a Certified Nutrition Educator. She's helping SO many (including me).. you can find out more about here on her site "My Healthy Transition"")

http://myhealthytransition.com/

Her personal journey (with very motivational pix!) can be found here:
http://myhealthytransition.com/packages.html


On LCF she was talking about how the CO along with Cod Liver Oil (which I take both) about how the combo is good for your Thyroid. I sent her a PM asking about ratios. I wonder if I need to up either.. Right now I am taking 1T of both each day. And well, also using the CO occasionally in cooking .. I LOVE my veggies roasted in CO.. especially green beans.

I feel a renewed excitement. I will get this figured out!
Have an excellent upcoming week everyone!

Thats me holding a painting of moi that my mother did.. She's an incredible artist.
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Got back on LC yesterday at lunch and Wow.. down two pounds overnight, it kills me the way my body holds onto water weight.

I am making us shrimp scampi and roasted Brussel sprouts for dinner tonight.. I think I am doing my scampi like this:
Peel and marinate in a bit of olive oil with crushed garlic.. marinate for about a half hour. Heat 3T butter, add some chopped garlic, throw in shrimp, a little lemon juice and rind, dash of Worstershire and maybe a T of dark rum. This sounds so good to me! Going to roast the Brussels in some CO to go with.. OMG.. I love LC.



I was watching a recording of an Oprah show and she spoke about a new book "Women, Food and God".


I went to her site and read a bit from the book. An excerpt is here:

http://www.oprah.com/health/An-Excerpt-from-Geneen-Roths-Women-Food-And-God

I realize I am really tied up in dieting.. my entire world revolves around losing weight. I realize I don’t love or accept myself quite the way I should. I live in fear constantly. I don’t like to leave the house half the time because I have this image of myself that is WAY overboard fat - I imagine myself much worse than I really am, I DO need to lose a good amount of weight but I have an excessively horrid self image. I realize that my life is truly on hold. I have to get out of this mind set. Some excerpts from the book:

"As long as we see ourselves to be the child who was hurt by an unconscious (unavailable?) parent, we will never grow up. We will never know who we actually are. We will keep looking for the parent who never showed up and forget to see that the one who is looking is no longer a child." "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth

I realize I don’t allow myself to feel much of anything. I am the queen of pretending. I live in my own world most of the time. I certainly gloss over reality and don’t even allow myself to feel good feelings sometimes, afraid I will just feel them and then something bad will happen, like the other shoe drop.

More excerpt from the book:

“The bottom line, whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb”

“The poet Galway Kinnell wrote that "sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness." Everything we do, I tell my students, is to reteach ourselves our loveliness.”

I ordered the book. I guess it's time to start letting a few feelings roll thru, ha?

Tonights dinner Caribbean Shrimp Scampi was pretty good... needed more salt and more garlic and less lemon rind. Need to make notes on my recipe. I just needs more oomph.

Feeling better, Thank you so much everyone!

Just wanted to come in and say I am feeling much better. I am back on low carb and right now I am doing low fat and low carb.. I will slowly raise my fat and see how I do.

Eating LOTS of veggies and really enjoying them! I am not back in ketosis yet but not concerned. I know I will be soon enough.

Thank you so much for your emails and comments gang. They really helped me when I needed them most!

Tonight I am having a large salad with fresh spinach, a little onion, grilled chicken, low fat Greek dressing, and a little red grapefruit. I normally would add avo to it but holding off on more fat for a couple more days.

Everyone have a wonderful weekend~

Major Frustration.. What the hell do I do now?

Well it has been a VERY hard week! I just am so frustrated to the point of almost wanting to scream. I can’t seem to get this figured out. The high fat in Atkins seemed to be bothering my liver again so I want on a low fat diet like I had in the past with lots of veggies but ALSO corn and beans and brown rice. Well the last three days I have had a horrid IBD flare-up. I have had serious IBD in the past, so bad that I went thru thousands of dollars worth of tests last year trying to find out what the deal was. I had five tests, an MRI, a Colonscopy, , Cat Scan, Ultrasounds and a bowl follow thru (this is all I can remember right now!).

We were pretty sure it was Crones until a small bowel follow thru test found that it was IBD and maybe candida overgrowth and HPylori. At the time I was having such a bad time with continued flare-ups (I just put this together in my mind NOW) I was NOT doing low carb but doing weight watchers. I started back on LC in Dec. of last year and for the last 3 ½ months had NO flare-ups at all! I didn’t realize this until last night when I was in so much pain. It dawned on me I had not had a flare-up in months. Could it be that I am having IBD from some carb? Last night I had corn (as in chips and tortillas for veggie tacos) and rice and beans. (one of my fav. Low Fat meals from the past) and within a half hour had to lay down because the pain was so bad I could not walk.

I was floored (literally!) and that’s when I put it together. My IBD has not shown itself in all the time I have been on Atkins. Wow.

NOW what to do? Low Fat and LC? Medium fat? Maybe slowly raise my fat again? My liver is feeling better because of the veggie low fat diet – even though it’s only been a week, but what in the world do I do now? Before on LC (a couple of years ago), I got a liver issue (bloat and slight pain under my right breast) and went on a Raw diet (just fruits, veggies, nuts and seed) for a month and it went away. It didn’t bother me for months, until now.

I am so exasperated it is hard to think rationally. I am beyond frustrated.

Having Liver Pain AGAIN...

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I woke up again with that feeling of having a freaking football under my rib cage. I am in a holding pattern, this ALWAYS happens to me after very long on low carb. I need to do another liver cleanse and maybe re-evaluate exactly how I am going to do this.

I love LC and won't be going all insane on sugar but I have to move to a much lower fat diet for a while. I have been thru this before. I do know I can do a very healthy veggie low carb for a while.

This happened last summer and I ended up going veggie then Raw before I could start back on LC. I have gallbladder and liver issues.

Right now I am just eating lots of veggies and trying to gear up for a cleanse. Lots of salads and low GI berries - I am also going to get some apples.. very good for gall bladder issues.

This is a bitch.

Such a fantastic day!

A stunning Springtime Cherry Blossom Photo. I SO want to go to see a Cherry Blossom Festival some day!

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Needed to come in and post.. it’s been too long!
I am well.. I actually am back on induction levels and my hunger is really nill right now. I could totally fast right now and I am thinking of getting back into Intermittant Fasting. (IF).

I think there are times during my cycle that my hunger is more driven by hormones and times it is much less. I need to start tracking my hunger a little more. Well it could also just be deep ketosis that is squelching my hunger.

I am planning on not eating at all until I am truly hungry.. I imagine tonight I will get hungry, also not cooking tonight (I like to occasionally give the kitchen a rest!) maybe we will pick up a couple of BLT salads from Wendy’s. I love their Chipotle Ancho Ranch and with the salad and ranch and a grilled chicken breast (sans croutons), the combo comes in around 440 cal and 13 carbs.. No worries as I can now apparently eat at least 40 carbs a day and stay in ketosis. I am pretty sure the salad tonight will be all I will need. I am really not hungry at all! I like to try to go with it when I am feeling like I can just not eat. I know my hunger ALWAYS comes back!

I have been reading over my journals (I have YEARS of journals in the computer).. a few years ago I lost allot of weight and when reading my journal from that year I realized I was REALLY into exercise.. more than I even really remember.. I was just driven. I talked about how I felt so good and sometimes would have feelings of euphoria roll thru my body. I WANT that again. I am just walking right now.. although it’s LOTS of miles (IMO) 2-3 a day but I would like to do more.. then I was doing kickboxing, belly dancing, dance aerobics and going to the gym in our complex. NOW of course I don’t live in an apt. so I would have to pay for a gym BUT I have weights (hand held) sitting out in the garage I need to get out.. Patrick and I used to do them together in front of the TV at night.. we had a routine we did for a while..

Well I am feeling great! I have a goal to be under 199 by July 4th and I WILL make that goal!

Happy Sunday my lovlies!

Had a refeed day (planned)

A little eye candy *smile*... Billy Idol.. he's aging well ha! OMG.

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Well Saturday night we were at my mum’s house and Patrick and I had a couple of planned carb up meals - my weight loss had really slowed to next to nothing (1/2 pound in two weeks).

I had a PB sandwich (no jelly) and two bowls of rice krispies (no sugar added to the bowl). thru the evening Sat night (had it all in a 2 1/2 hour period). They were GOOD and I was up 4# yesterday (Monday) for my weigh in.

I think I have mixed feelings about re-feeds (carb up days, refeeds, refilling glycogen stores.. etc). On one hand I have read it really helps with Leptin hormone but want to do much more research! On the other I need to make sure I don’t get carried away, use a plan I put into place for the refeeds AND get right back on, be prepared ahead of time for getting right back on LC. (did very good this time - today is day three back on).

Today I am down two of the four pounds (only carbed up for a couple of hours Sat. night)..

I am going to not do another carb up day until I have not lost any weight for 10 days in a row...

I was very glad the carb up meal(s) didn’t make me crave! That’s such a change for me. I hope this spurs on a little more weight loss. I will see.

Back on induction levels for this week - only going to do induction levels until I am down the water weight I gained.. or an extra pound maybe, then back to 30 grams a day.

I need to get back to my walking! I was doing so good but got very busy with the house and business(es) and have let it slide.

Here's to a good week! and hopefully an extra pound or two GONE!

It's almost Friday!

Spring has almost sprung!

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Today I am feeling very good. Yesterday was easier food wise because I logged all my food ahead of time in Fitday (this really keeps me reined in!). I have been doing this from time to time when I start to struggle with wanting to just eat too much, you know munch mindlessly all day... and it's amazing how well it worked for me.

Yesterday I had 1750 calories and 30 carbs (still in Ketosis, not sure what my critical level will be and sure I don't want to know just yet!). I am shooting really for 1500 average..

Last night I wanted to much on a handful of Almonds and talked myself out of it because I had already logged everything in and I didn't want to have to log back in and make any changes.. so I decided to just hang on till dinner.

Patrick brought us home Outback Caesar Grilled Shrimp salad (sans croutons, extra Caesar dressing!) and it was very good.. I freaking LOVE their dressing recipe. I found a recipe that is "supposed" to be the actual recipe:

Outback Caesar Dressing

1 cup Egg Beaters
1 1/4 ounces crushed garlic
3 1/2 ounces parmesan cheese
2 2/3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon pepper
1 tablespoon dry mustard
1 1/2 ounces anchovies
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 cups olive oil
3 T chopped fresh parsley

Makes like a quart I think! I will be making it soon just to see how close it is!

They only gave us 5 shrimp each.. they are large shrimp but still I wanted more but after dinner I found I was actually plenty full.

I wanted to give a shout out to my friend Tiffany:

Isn't she a stunner!

I wanted to introduce her bad ass site "Deliciously-Thin".

It's in the works and she's already got it filled with great recipes and a soon to be filled "success stories section".. I can't wait to post in!

Check out her site here:

http://www.deliciously-thin.com





and read her success story here:

http://www.deliciously-thin.com/atkins-success-stories.html

I know I will be making even more of her recipes! I can say the roasted cali was the bomb and what a cool way to do it:













Check out her unique recipe here:
http://www.deliciously-thin.com/baked-cauliflower-recipe.html

I love that you steam it a bit before. We eat lots of cali (Low carbers best friend!) and this was a fun way to cook it.

More to come...

Doing fine...

I love Low Carb!

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"All The SnackWells in the World Won't Fill You Up. They Make You Hungrier and Hungrier and Hungrier, Until You Start to Think You Are Crazy". Dana Carpenter - Author of "How I Gave Up My Low-Fat Diet"...



I love that quote. Ya.. It's one of the most true statements I have read in a long time.. Those damned SnackWells are sad.

Life's a bit crazy right now.. well hell, it is always I think but I DO have some control now.. at least over what I eat!

It's my TOM this week so I am having a few emotional upheavals right now *smile* but I know this too shall pass.

I HAVE BEEN TAKING STOCK OF HOW I FEEL LATELY!!:

-I am able to go longer without food – my meals are spaced further apart.. sometimes I only eat twice a day.
-I am not having cravings anymore and when I do get hungry it feels more like a controlled normal hunger.

-The other day I came into the kitchen and saw a plate from dinner the night before with LOTS of food left on it! Wow

-I have more energy and am actually thinking about starting a Yoga class in a neighboring city.

-I’m simply doing this.. It has become a lifestyle. I may sometimes eat to much food but it’s LC food and I check every day and I am still in ketosis. I have been for WEEKS.

I am living it. It's becoming second nature.

-I don’t care how long it takes, that’s something else to me, so many times in the past I have done serious crash diets - even pushed LC too far (used ketosis and my lack of hunger to just not eat at all, even when I would get hungry) I have learned. I feel like it took me a long time to gain it so what’s wrong with losing it slowly?


Tiffany,
If you are reading this it's great to hear from you! I know what you mean about switching plans up from time to time. Sometimes you just have to. BUT I know you will more than likely find yourself coming back to LC, if you are like me, because of the CONTROL over your food it gives you. Being hungry all the time, well it sucks! Stay in touch!

Well I am back to work. Tonight Patrick is bringing home dinner, not sure what it is yet but I am sure I am glad for one night, it's not my problem!

It's all so GOOD!

Baby I'm a Star...

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I just wanted to post that I am doing very good. I have been crazybusy but my low carb lifestyle is rolling right along nicely. I am feeling really well and feel like I am really in my groove.

No more weight lost this week (my official weigh in's are on Mondays) but I don’t lose every week.

Last night we had nice ribeyes on the grill and I made “loaded broccoli”.. steamed broccoli with sour cream, bacon, cheese and garlic and onion.. YUM.. this is my fav. side right now.

Tonight I am going to do a nice French roast chicken (lemon and rosemary under the skin) and make a salad to go with and have some GOOD Blue Cheese dressing with.. OMG.. I love good Blue Cheese dressing!

I am working on eating Warrior style (google it).. it’s pretty much not eating much during the day and eating most of your calories at night.. lots of reasons why this helps you lose weight per the info but I am not going to go into it here other than it helps Serotonin levels and also leptin levels.. AND it helps me sleep.. I was having issues with being so tired at night but not resting well with normal LC.

Not sure how long I will do it but right now I am doing the best I can at it.. I still eat a bit during the day.. to take my supplements and if I feel really peckish.. I will have a bit of cheese or deli meat or a slim jim (gave up nuts for a while!) but not having to worry with meals during the day frees up SO much time. I am eating around 1700 calories a day so this is in no way starving! Far from it.

The weather is nice, I am back to my walking.. had slacked off for a while..

Well everyone.. I am off to work (have to walk across the house *smile* )
Here’s to another fabulous low carb day~!

Confession time...

Ok..
So I have been REALLY great for two months, stayed LC and in Ketosis the entire time.. (8# down).

Today I totally lost it for a couple of hours and ate WAY too much.

Today I had to go to the grocery store and I always have to really show serious self control when I get home on those days.

In the past, (back in my bingeing days) as I would unpack I would eat. Hell I would start eating in the freaking car on the way home.. everything that didn't have to be cooked.. and I bought lots of junk AND fatty foods.. (cookies, pastries, poptarts, banana twins (they were my fav! Red Velvet cakes - no wait they were my favorite... etc.). I would just totally eat until I was sick.

Anyway today it happened again.
I was lucky that it was low carb but I ate several ounces of cheese (like 5), over 5 ounces of nuts AND... this is the kicker... SF candy.

I have not bought this is ages but Patrick mentioned last night he would really like some to take to work and put in his drawer SO.. I bought a couple of packages.. I ate like 5 pieces in 5 min.

I actually DID show some control only in that I wrote it ALL down, each time telling myself that was IT... (it finally is).

So far today my calories are 2700. I WANT to just not eat dinner but I can't as I know this is not the answer.. deprivation NEVER works for me.. which leads me to think about the fast I did day before yesterday....

Anyway, not sure what set me off... could have been the fast, might be that I am hormonal (I don't keep track anymore) and I am pretty sure it also was the variety of food all at once that was "available" in the house.

In the past, this would lead to a couple days of starving myself but I am not going to do that.. just going to go on with my day.

After really thinking about this I have decided the fasting (even if it is for only one day) is not for me.. I wonder if this is what lead to the binging.. I know I don’t do well with feelings of deprivation. I have go to just do this slow and steady and make sure I also eat enough fat. I also don’t need to buy any more of those Blue Diamond Flavored Almonds Gurrrrrrr! Freaking they are what set me off I think.. too damn good.

My one day Fast was a great success!

Well I wanted make a few comments re: yesterday.. well actually last night.
I didn't really have any (well not much) hunger at dinner time. I put a burger on for Patrick and he took it from there.. (a blackened burger with pepper jack cheese and low carb cole slaw.. one of my very fav. meals a la' BackYard Burgers (no bun of course!).

Anyway I didn't have any issues but I came and got on the computer while he ate.

I DID have issues with my sleep though! It took me forever to fall asleep (I felt very tired but just could not go to sleep).. I finally took a double dose of Valerian and Kava (my "sleeping pill" combo of choice - this combo works amazingly well for me). I hardly EVER have this hard of a time falling asleep and very rarely have to take the herbs but they helped me fall asleep... WELL at 2:45am I woke to go to the bathroom and COULD NOT FALL ASLEEP for hours. I think I finally got back to sleep close to 5am. I finally woke this morning around 7am and was a pound lighter on the scale!!! Say Hallelujah!

I am going to have an EAS shake this morning for breakfast and another one a little later than make myself that blackened burger meal I missed out on last night, before I go to the grocery store.. need provisions for the rest of the week.

Good day to all!

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I had to come back in and write about something I have noticed today.
In the past, when I would fast I would be famished the next day.. today I am not... just normal hunger.. I love ketosis!