Well last night I jumped face first into a pig out. (not just a little slip) last night.. I absolutely just totally came off my plan. No ifs, ands or buts.
I started eating around 6pm.. a Raw Larabar, then almonds, then a banana.. then it was a simple and simply awful pig out the rest of the night.
Patrick and I had dinner.. I of course suggested it. I mentioned Chinese and he was all in, he loves Chinese.
Maybe subconsciously I said Chinese because I knew he would not fight me on it (he really does normally try to encourage me). Either way I smooth pigged out.
I had half an order (huge) of Orange Beef. (that's right I ate meat for the first time in 6 weeks) An eggroll and two of his cream cheese won tons. AND 2/3 a pint of Half Baked ice cream.
I simply turned into the old me for the night. I ate without thought of what I was doing. It had been 6 weeks of Vegan and 6 days of my juicefeast. I just switched myself off and went on auto "food" pilot.
This morning I feel like I ate an insane amount of food.. Like I just went crazy and...
This morning, boy do I feel like total hell! Not just guilt wise, I physically feel like crap. My gut aches from shoving so much food in it. In reality it was NO where near as much as I used to eat in a dinner – I only ate half my Chinese meal but you KNOW how large those meals are.
I have this ache under both my breasts.. in the center of my being and also I feel extremely exhausted. I can’t believe I woke up this tired. I can’t stop yawning.
It’s a HUGE difference to how well I have been feeling in the mornings over the last month.. I really want to remember that. I guess it’s a learning experience, I just don’t need to eat like that ever again. It’s such a drastic change. I feel half charged, like I only have half my normal energy.
I feel slow and very fatigued and sort of mentally fogged AND I have tons of dried mucus on the insides of my nose. I have a feeling of fullness over my liver and I just feel sort of stunned.. sort of half there mentally. Foggy and slow and SERIOUSLY tranquilized. It sucks.
I know this is a journey and I am not going to kill myself with guilt, I do feel pretty shitty… physically and psychologically but hopefully I will be able to use this next time.
I am going to be right back on today.. actually I will probably fast as long as I can today. I certainly need to. I know logically that they say it takes quite a while to become a totally 100% Raw foodist and maybe I am not doing myself any favors by starting off with such a hard core move as a juice feast but it’s freaking only 10 damn days.. Come on!
I have even noticed that I am actually THINKING SLOWER! I am so tired and bogged down that my brain is even working slower.. I am feeling stunted and can’t seem to pull up my thoughts as quick as normal. It’s really an eye opener. I can’t stop yawning either.. It’s almost 8am and I am still half asleep.
I also have mild intestinal cramping and diarrhea. Man I can’t believe one jump into the “old” way I used to eat can so severely effect me.
Well I am right back on. I am being straight to myself about this and I am going to use this and REMEMBER next time I am so tempted with my old food desires.
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