Still here!

Proper Way to Weigh Ones Self



It's been too long so I need to catch up.

I have been dieting still, (well on and off.. had a few fall backs) but I am doing ok.

I am a jewelry designer so I have been very busy gearing up for the holiday season.

I have four Etsy shops:

My Etsy Lovely LUXE Jewels Store:
www.LovelyluxeJewels.etsy.com

My Etsy CaryMartinDesigns store:
www.CaryMartinDesigns.etsy.com

My Etsy gemstone store:
www.GemGourmet.etsy.com

My JoeyAndRocky store:
www.JoeyandRocky.etsy.com

With the holidays soon approaching I am crazy busy making jewelry and stocking my shops. I also sell gemstones to other designers.

I was just having such a hard time focusing and something had to give and I didn't want it to be my diet so I backed off the Raw (for a while only!) and went back to my old standby of just counting calories.

It's not the best I know but for me it's better than just falling off completely..

I have actually managed to lose two more pounds.

I am unfortunately not veggie anymore right now either.

I am eating alot of convenience foods like Amy's meals at night and also a few Lean Cuisine, etc. This diet of mine is actually very simular to what you would be doing on Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem, portion controlled pre-packaged stuff. Like I said I know it's not the best long term but right now it's the lessor of two evils. No dieting or doing this.

I'm also haveing Starkist tuna kits as a snack (210 cal and high protein) almost every day in the afternoon and making my own Egg a muffins in the AM. (English muffins, canadian bacon, low fat cheese and an egg).

Staying under 1500 calories a day.. it's easy and pretty much a no brainer for me.

Several years ago I lost 50 pounds this way (of course gained it back) but it is second nature to me so it leaves my mind free to deal with business right now. You pretty much eat almost the same thing every day.

On weekends I make us a huge batch of scrambelled egg whites and tons of veggies and we have English muffins with Raw honey. It's good and it's nice to sit down together and enjoy an actual breakfast.

I AM GOING BACK TO RAW soon.. Planning on for sure Jan. 1st.

Food today:

Egg a muffin - 335
Lean Cuisine lunch - 360

Slip Sliding Away...

The last couple of days have been a struggle... It was the Labor Day weekend and Patrick and I did allot of work on the yard.. each day I started out great and did well Raw (ended my Juice Feast at 13 days and 11 pounds lost but I have gained 3 back) until late in the evening and I ended up eating Amy's meals and such because I was so hungry.

I need to start having something on hand in the house I can eat at night that is raw and more filling (have to get a new dehydrator!). Maybe a muesli with almond milk… or make some kale, or daikon or zucchini chips or some crackers or something I can munch on.

I WILL BE HAVING A GREEN SMOOTHIE TONIGHT FOR DINNER!

Food today:

Frozen banana, frozen strawberry coconut water smoothie
Sm handful goji berries
1/3 honeydew
1 Ezekiel wrap (toasted) with 1/3 C hummus
pineapple around 4pm




I am also planning on another juice feast.. This time for 14 days. I will plan on starting toward the end of the month.

I need to order the nut milk bags.

I was thinking it would be good to do planned out menus of daily juices so I can be well prepared but ahead of time but actually it’s hard to know what organic fruits/veggies the stores will have. I guess I won’t be doing that.. I will just use what good organic fruits and veggies I can find.

REALLY Struggling...

The last two days.. my poor psyche has really been in turmoil...

Well I am laying in bed this morning (just bought an amazing bed from a Friend in Fernandina Beach and my sister Stacy and her husband JB loaded it up and hauled it to us.. thank you SO much you two! It’s the most amazing bed we have ever owned)..

Anyway I am laying there in bed thinking about my out of control eating was last night (pizza pig out) and how in the past with my attempts to lose weight and change my eating lifestyle, I just seem to give in when I get really hungry. It’s like I just throw a food temper tantrum.. like an incorrigible child. It’s really like that.

It makes since I guess since I am changing my mindset and setting limits and boundaries and changing something that has been fundamental (if also WRONG) in my life for a very long time (eating whatever I what, whenever I want in as much quantity as I want).. It’s like I am having another part of me trying to rebel against the changes I want to make. It's causing serious inner turmoil.

So this morning I was reading other's blogs to work on re-focusing my mind on my Raw food world and wow, thank you to the universe for showing me this blog entry from “The Raw Model” (link is here: http://rawmodelcom.blogspot.com/2007/05/add-in-good-stuff-now-worry-about.html )

This is the entry:


‘ADD THE GOOD STUFF IN NOW, WORRY ABOUT CUTTING THE BAD STUFF OUT LATER…’



“A big thing that I learned on my path to health with living foods was that the idea of sacrifice for health will not produce a healthy person, and certainly not a happy one.

Because I was working in New York at the time, I was really trying my best to immediately lose weight and develop more lean muscle. So I cut out everything bad. Or at least I attempted to. For a few weeks, I dropped ice cream, pizza, indian food, and falafels. I was doing two green smoothies a day, plus apples. I was losing weight fast, but in my mind I was suffering. I was still addicted to those foods, and by cutting myself off right away, the weak part of me was angry and resentful towards the disciplined part of me. I was going crazy, and I would reach an occasional breaking point.

Wandering the streets of the East Village like a drug fiend, I would walk into a pizza place and order two slices. After eating them too quickly, I would realize that I was yet to be satisfied. So next, I would get a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Soon after adding that whole pint to the pizza, I was starting to feel the food-coma setting in. I would return to my apartment and lay in bed, feeling guilty and bloated. I would swear that I would learn my lesson, but these episodes would continue off and on for months.

I wasn't in the proper mindstate yet. I was too worried about what I was cutting out, and not focusing on what I should have been adding in. This is the key. Don't focus on what you want to cut out right away. Of course cooked starches and cooked oils and refined sugar are horrible and should be completely eliminated from your body, but that will happen with time. As long as you continue to feel as if you are depriving yourself of these items, you won't be ready yet. What I am saying, is that the best path early on is to just add good things in, and the rest will work itself out with time. The body will know what is good, and the idea of canceling out your healing foods with garbage again will quickly lose its appeal.

So get your green juice in everyday. Get a green smoothie in your body everyday for breakfast. Make sure you eat a grapefruit, and one avocado a day is magic. Make a superfood smoothie with coconuts and raw chocolate and goji berries and bee pollen. Eat highly mineralized raw foods. If you still desire something else, go for it. But sooner, rather than later, you will shift towards 95-100% raw without having that feeling of regret and guilt and sacrifice.

I knew the truth...I had experienced the "raw high" after those first two weeks. Nevertheless...the old habits were ingrained in my mind, and I still desired the garbage. Now, I can honestly say that I eat everything that I want. The only difference is this: What I want now isn't what I used to want. I don't miss the pizza, the burgers, the eggs and pancakes. Thats not even food in my mind anymore. I don't want it like I used to. And this will happen to you as well. Just add in the goodies, and the rest will take care of itself.

Peace and love ALL WAYS...

Anthony”


Also this reply to his post is right on:

Bless you for sharing this! It's exactly this kind of honesty that helps people that are excited about raw truly transform into people that are freed from food addictions. Raw Dogma can be really intense and misleading to the seeker. It is entirely possible to feel nutritionally elated and at the same time experience a sort of spiritual bankruptcy 'cause your mental is just not on.

Suddenly stripping yourself of all your comfort foods leaves alot of the psyche bared and ready to rumble. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I see alot of parallels between the two. Just stopping drinking is nearly impossible w/o a spiritually based program of recovery running in tandem. And if you do succeed in staying dry you're likely miserable and angry, seeing as you've just lost the only coping mechanism you had.

I find food issues to be surprisingly similar...


I could not have said it any better.. THIS is what I am dealing with right now.. I am divided in my psyche.




I WANT and need to eat Raw but my inner child is revolting. I have to be less hard on myself and take it more slow…

This is also very enlightening.. I have to STOP kicking myself and just go with the transition as I can and as it comes. I can continually re-focus back on Raw as often as I need to but most important is that I just ease up on myself.

Wednesday~ Day 10 of my Juice Feast!

I hope to lose an additional 2 pounds before coming off of juice feast on Sunday.

I REALLY need to do this juice feast for a longer period of time.. maybe after I finish my 14 days on Sunday AM, I could continue on to do most days juice feast and when I feel I HAVE to eat I can have a raw dinner or even maybe an Amy’s Organic like I was doing.

I need to not get into raw gourmet a bunch yet - I have bought 5 recipe books!.. I do want to make some of those Kale chips in the dehydrator when I come off my juice feast. I also found a recipe for marinated and dehydrated eggplant, it sounds very good.

I just need to be sure to not eat lots of nuts and seeds (fat) and get too into making bunches of gourmet raw until I lose allot more weight.

My sister and her family are coming over Friday night and spending the night before we head to St. Pete for the weekend. I Was trying to think of what I can make for everyone for Breakfast on Saturday before they we to mom’s and decided to do fruit smoothies. I can buy lots of frozen fruit and also make JB and Patricks and the boys with protein powder I guess.. I can use almond milk for them also.

I really want to get this weight off once and for all. I am tired of f*cking around with it.

Interesting enough I was VERY hungry at 1:30 pm and drank a decent size glass (maybe a cup and a third?) of almond milk and it’s an hour later and I am still not hungry.

I am a bit tired but it's just detox.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My vitamix arrived!

I am having my first green smoothie (well that I made).. I used a half pound of spinach, 2 stalks celery, juice of one orange and flesh of one mango.. added half a dropper of stevia (almost too much sweetness though) and some superfoods greens powder, it’s pretty good, it seems to be really whipped and full of air.. I wonder if the greens powder did that?

Juice today:

3 apples
water
1 mango and ½ pineapple - 11am
Almond Milk (VERY hungry) 1:30pm
Wholefoods sparkling mineral water with whole blue berries 2:30pm)
Green Smoothie! (full of air?) spinach, celery, orange juice & mango w/ greens powder

Go, Go, Go...

Wow I have been very busy today.. It's been cool because it helps me to keep my mind off food.

I have done well today.
I started back walking yesterday(did 2.5 miles yesterday and today).

I want to be able to hike when we go to Sedona in October.

I am working on cleaning the house, doing laundry, all that freaking fun stuff. Good God does anyone else EVER get caught up? I sure never do.

Getting a delivery tomorrow, a foundation for our new King Size mattress my sweet sister Stacy and her hubbie JB are bringing Patrick and I Friday! I am so excited. We bought a beautiful antique bed and have been working on a mattress for far to long. It will be nice!

WOW I HAVE BEEN READING ON LINE TODAY ABOUT SOME RAW FOODISTS GUYS…

I find very often men who weigh/weighed what I do and are talking about how unhealthy and fat they are/were. It really freaks me out because I am in SUCH denial about how fat I really am. I just have refused for so long to really think about it for more than a few minutes at a time - I always just push thoughts of it away. I truly hate to look at the reality.

I need to realize somehow that my life is in danger at this very high weight. I know that if I could do that I would have more willpower when I get faced with inevitable temptation and just plain bored and overly hungry!



I really have to do this. I HAVE GOT TO DO THIS.

I have got to get that into my head. I have to be more serious about my LIFE!

I have got to stay on this path. I have got to re-gain my health.. if I ever WAS healthy. I know I can do this.. I can change my life, my health and my body.


I have had three large glasses of the green juice today,



it's really very good but I am wanting something hot. I have a bit of a sinus yuck right now.

I am going to have some more fruit juice and a hot tea for dinner. It's about 15 till 5pm. Now is when I usually start having issues with hunger.. going to keep on with more juice if I need it.



Today:

Juice of 2 Granny Smith and 2 Pink Lady apples
Kale, tomato, carrot, ginger, celery juice (LOTS - still working on it).
Kale, tomato, carrot, ginger, celery juice (STILL!)
Frozen Banana on a chop stick
Hot Earl Grey Lavender tea
Honeydew melon juice